"Princess" & My Overview

I dont know if I should encroach upon any issue belonging to a foreign nation and voice my opinion. But reading through a couple of books on the derogatory condition of women living in Saudi Arabia, my heart seethed with anger at the lowly life imposed upon these hapless women and myself being a woman, I could not restrain my voice upon knowing the suffering of another woman.

Recently while surfing through an e-library I stumbled upon a book called "Princess" penned by Jean Sasson. Jean Sasson is an American writer a good chunk of whose books revolve round the women of Middle East. Jean stayed in Saudi Arabia for over a decade and this gave her an opportunity to peep into the lives of Saudi women. The one I am going through right now relates the experiences of a Saudi princess 'Sultana' who was the youngest of her 11 siblings. She shared her gruesome lifestory with Jean and insisted on her story to be written and made public. She wanted to reveal the painful inner life of Saudi princesses shrouded under the disguise of sparkling jewellaries and high life of the royals.

 The story brought forth the hypocrisy of Saudi men who bound their women by forcing them to follow stringent customs of medieval period while they themselves roamed around freely and easily got away with the commitment of the most forbidding heinous acts of adultery and rape. It is shocking how teenage girls are married to sagging old men fourth times their age and mothers have no say in the marriage of their daughters. How a woman for petty violation of Muslim custom is stoned to death or drowned in the pool by none other than her own father while men go around violating women and their rights as a human being.

"Princess" by Jean Sasson is a real eye opener to the distressing condition of women born & rotting in Saudi Arabia. I feel that being born as a stray dog would provide one far more better life than the one lived by a woman there. Atleast a street dog has freedom to do what it feels like, but women, considered nothing more than a piece of flesh and machinery for reproduction, have their entire life controlled and maneuvered by the will of the men clan.

The book gave me an insight into the state of women in Saudi society as nothing more than a herd of cattle, ready to be sacrificed any minute for the pleasure of the opponent sex. Sultana through this book has made an appeal to the women ,fortunate to live a life of freedom, for coming together to help uplift the condition of women in Saudi Arabia as the men tied to the barbaric medieval time wont pursue the change for the betterment of the fairer sex. I wish I would know a way to contribute to the cause.

I too had a love story

Recently one of my friends told me about a book called "I too had a love story". I have read "Love Story" by Erich Sehgal but "I too had a love story" was an unknown name to me. I have never heard or read about the writer. Then I got to know that this is the debut book of Ravinder Singh, a software engineer in Infosys, who has given an account of a sad love story here. Since Erich Sehgal's "Love Story" ended with the untimely demise of the girl the hero was in love with, I immediately had a hunch that this book by Ravinder Singh too would be sad in undertone for the titles of both the books are quite akin to each other, but I had least idea that the tale told in the story relates Ravinder's personal experience. Upon my friend's positive feedback, I downloaded the pdf version and went through it.

The love story circling around the two main characters, Ravinder himself and his girlfriend Khushi, whom he met through Shaadi.com, was portrayed beautifully.It was a perfect love affair though an unconventional one, because Ravinder met the girl hardly twice face to face. But physical distance was never a hindrance to their booming affection for each other. Even before meeting one another in person, they fell madly in love and decided to tie the knot. Their frequent communication on phone throughout the day, chatting on net, exchange of mails and snaps contributed to the formation of a beautiful relationship. They both were faithful and committed to each other and I was quite carried away by Ravinder's honesty and committment to his girlfriend, very unlikely trait to be spotted among guys of today's generation. Their love story had a slight resemblance with my own, because I too met my hubby through a matrimonial site. My hubby too popped the question even before seeing me in person and we, too hardly met twice or thrice before taking the vow of marriage. Yes, we were glued to each other on phone almost all the time, but since he lived in one city and me in another, the chances of meeting each other were very rare. Perhaps, this sets the trend for modern day love affairs where distance is bridged via technology. Internet and mobile have become an integral part of our life so much so that the thought of living without them seems an impossible phenomenon.

Anyway, coming back to the story, the romance was growing strong between Khushi and Ravinder with the passage of time and both of them got inseparably attached to each other emotionally. Ravinder could not spend a day without talking or chatting with Khushi and same was from her side too. Just when their betrothal date was fixed right on 14th February 2007 (the year I got married too in the month of November and had everything been going perfectly, Ravinder too would have married Khushi in November 2007 only) , Khushi was very happy making preparation for the big event of her life. She was laughing, singing and dancing in happiness for the forthcoming ceremony, but alas ! life is so unpredictable or may be God is so ruthlessly humorous that he strikes the lethal blow when one is gearing up for embracing the utmost happiness. Quite sadistic, huh !! Two days prior to the engagement, Khushi while coming back from office at the crack of dawn (She was doing night shifts for US project) met with an accident which left her mortally wounded. For two weeks she battled with life and eventually succumbed to her injuries.

Life is so very unfair. Unscrupulous dishonest people afflicting pain to others for their own gain never face such fate, but good righteous people incapable of cheating anyone are the ones to suffer such predicament. The last few pages describing the blow of Khushi's death on Ravinder where he wrote "She died and I survived. I survivded and so I died every day" was so heartbreaking that my eyes welled up in tears. Unfaithful people shifting from one partner to another like the change of weather, exploiting others for their own benefit never receive any punishment and good human beings go through all the trials and tribulations as if God is testing their resilience at every junction of life. Why God doesnot have any fairness in doling out justice? Like Ravinder, I too have lost all the faith in the existence of the Supreme Being. God is nothing but a figment of our imagination fed into us by our family and society since the time we open our eyes. It adds to my wonderment that innumerable wars are fought and riots are agitated in the name of this nonexistent being.

Ravinder's splendid depiction of Khushi aroused my curiosity to view her photo but by surfing the net, I could find only Ravinder's snaps. Unquestionably, Ravinder is a pretty handsome dude but somewhere in his eyes, the pain he suffered is hidden. I went through his facebook fan page and his profile but could not locate any snap of Khushi. I wish alonside the beautiful but heart-wrenching love story, he could have some snaps of Khushi printed in his book.

Family Reunion in Hyderabad

Went to Hyderabad last weekend to enjoy the family congregation after a long time. Next month my brother in law will be flying back to Norway (this time with his wife) for two years and since the agonizing process of spouse visa is over and Manjira (my sis in law) finally has got the visa in her hand after 8 months, they can happily travel together to Norway now. I can precisely feel the frustration and helplessness Manjira might have gone through for the delay in the visa being issued and all the while she and Debjoy (my bro in law) had to stay apart just owing to this visa problem. So we are all happy that finally the harrowing period of waiting is over and their life is getting back to normal. On this occasion, my parents in law also flew all the way from Kolkata to Hyderabad to meet her two sons. Since it's been a long while when the two brothers were seen together last in the same place and given the uncertainty of both of their happening to be at the same place, this time my mom in law didnt want to take any chance and wanted to arrange this family get-together before Debjoy flies to Norway and we to Sao Paolo.

On the first day of our arrival to Hyderabad, we were dog-tired and reached Debjoy's house around 9.30 p.m. He brought the famous Hyderabadi biriyani from market and we had an appetizing dinner with biriyani & chicken curry served on our platter. But my digestive system failed to work properly, may be because of the jerking it experienced all through the journey from Bangalore to Hyderabad and throughout the night I tossed and turned on my bed in sheer uneasiness and couldnot sleep properly. Next day morning I took an oath for not to eat anything spicy and to remain on light meal all day long. My mom in law prepared some light homely meals including fish and 'sukto' daal (daal cooked with vegetables) and by the evening, I felt pretty sound. We went out for sighseeing around Hyderabad towards the evening and visited Hussain Sagar. There was a statue of lord Buddha built exactly in the middle of the lake and we ferried there to catch an up-close view of the statue. We clicked some nice shots there.

 

 

We spent some 30 minutes there when looking at the overcast sky, I felt a presentiment of a torrential downpour and told others to take a ferry back to the Eat Street. Just as we boarded the ferry, rain started pouring like cats and dogs and we could see people rushing towards the dock to get into a ferry, but as the number of passengers a ferry could load was limited, the late-comers had to wait for the next ferry amid the torrential rainfall. Apart from the statue, there was no establishment holding a roof and hence the passengers waiting for the ferry had no choice other than getting drenched. Fortunately, we were inside the ferry and on our way back to the Eat Street.

Overlooking the Hussain Sagar, Eat Street is a popular hangout in Hyderabad for weekend revellers. Undoubtedly spending time there with friends will add to a marvellous experience. By the time we returned to Eat Street, I was feeling mighty hungry and so therefrom we headed straight towards City Centre where in a restaurant we planned to take our dinner. Debjoy took us to a nice Chinese restaurant at City Centre where we ordered items like Sapo Chicken, Crab fried rice, American Corn fried rice and Roasted chicen in soya sauce.The food was awesome in taste esp Sapo Chicken was mouthwatering. After the dinner, we returned to Debjoy's house and engaged in an exhilarating session of adda. Next day being Monday was the day we were supposed to return and though I wanted to extend our stay by one day, Debu could not do so as his hands are tied with office work. So we came back to Bangalore on Monday night.

Zindegi Na Milegi Dobara

Yesterday I watched Zindegi Na Milegi Dobara with my hubby at night show. It was a full-bodied entertaining movie. Shot in the beautiful locations of in and around Spain, the scenery captured in the film was overwhelming. The movie brought back some fond memories of my college days when we were younger and vivacious and full of spirits. The way the three "musketeers" played by Hrithick, Abhay Deol and Farhan Akhtar were applying their old tried and tested tricks to scare the spook out of rank strangers reminded me of some of my own antics. During the days of masters in CU, I recall there was a professor who despite being highly qualified and university topper was ludicrously boring when it came to giving a lecture and so most of the students preferred sitting at the back of the class close to the back door so that once the roll calling was over, they could steal out of the classroom. Many a time, me with my friends tiptoed out of the classroom like that. Now all grown up, the thought of doing this kind of thing to anyone seems very improper but at that time, it was pure fun bunking class like that.

The movie is based on a road trip undertaken by the trio to celebrate Abhay Deol's bachelour party. They got together after a space of few years and went to three locations of their individual choice within Spain and each one surprised the others with their own favourite sport they long dreamt of trying like skydiving, deep sea diving and bull race and how each time conquering their fears, they finished the stunt feeling an overwhelming sense of triumph. The movie highlights some basic truths of life that we, being caught in the complexity of our daily routine, tend to forget. Life is small and our days are numbered and instead of letting ourselves become completely absorbed in the drudgery and goals of life, we should sometimes take some time out to live the moments as we never know when the life is going to get cut short and the people, we ignore in the pursuit of our goals, might not be there all the time or we, for example, might not live through our plans. It, to some extent, made me realize how stupidly boring I myself have become over the years and how living an adult life, I have lost my vivaciousness and smiles.

Patalpani Mishap

I am shocked to see the live video of Patalpani accident which occurred on 17th July 2011 and cost three lives. Shocking and painful is the fact that the victims are themselves responsible to some extent for the mishap which could have been avoided had they been a bit conscious. When they noticed the wave lunging towards them and the other fellow tourists running for shelter, they should have run across to a safe corner. Instead, they acted casually and went on with their photography spree. Till the surge of water rushed towards them menacingly, their attitude seemed very casual as if they failed to discern the danger awaiting them. When it became too late, the five victims thronged at a particular place holding each other's hand and as one of them slipped, rest of the other too slipped and were swept down the waterfall. The accident happened so quickly in a matter of few seconds that none of the panic-stricken spectators could come up with any idea for rescuing them.

Imagining Argentina

Watched a movie yesterday starring Antonio Banderas essaying the role of an ordinary man with psychic power whose journalist wife had been kidnapped on reason of suspicion. Later his teenage daughter too was arbitrarily abducted from his home by the millitary personnel. The movie was based on the dark period of Argentina between 1976-83. It led me thinking how could the govt pardon all the perpetrators responsible for the kidnapping & disappearance of some 30,000 nationals most of whom were women brutally tortured & physically abused before being shot to death & after 20 yrs, Supreme Court of Argentina reverted the law in 2005 to punish the culpable most of whom by now must have died naturally or having lived their life to the fullest now counting their last days. What a shocking travesty of justice !! 

Delhi Belly

Today was Sunday and after about three weeks I stepped out of home.  Last week only Debu came back from his US trip and since he is shuffling between jetlag and office hours, I could not pester him for taking me out on the weekdays. Today only we went out to see "Delhi Belly" and the movie, as I figured, was another masterpiece of Aamir Khan. The last movie produced by Aamir was "Dhobi Ghat" and like that movie, Delhi Belly too centred around a bunch of people from middleclass backgrounds surviving through life fraught with obstacles and complications. Unlike other Bollywood flicks shot in beautiful locations of foreign countries and involving rich people, these two movies shot in India were intellectual representation of life lived by common people.


There was one scene in Delhi Belly reminding me of Satyajit Roy's way of depicting a simple fact through a simple way without going overboard. The character called Nitin would gorge on some spicy pieces of Chicken Tanduri bought from a sleazy roadside food corner and would suffer from indigestion and loose motion for several days. The way it was shown in the movie was truly remarkable. In Satyajit Roy's 'Jono Aronya', Satyajit Roy too portrayed a scene in a similar artistic fashion. The protagonist appeared in the final exam of BA History honours and fared really well. However, he confronted the harsh reality when he scored barely the pass marks and found all his dreams and hardwork of First Class gone down the drain, because the examiner assigned with his paper lost spectacles and gave him average marks for the tiny dots of his handwriting appearing hardly intelligible under the dim light of lantern. The same kind of simplistic yet effective manner of depiction predominates in Delhi Belly.


Another thing worth admiration about the movie is that there were many scenes likely to be appearing too gross and shoddy because of the content involved in it but the subtlest way they were handled and woven within the story was sheerly commendable. Not for a single time I found myself scoffing at the scene showing stool sample poured on table nor the sounds of burps and farts appeared offensive to me. Rather they elicited frequent peals of laughter from the audience as intended. In short, watching Delhi Belly was a truly enjoyable experience and after a long time, I laughed my lungs out watching a movie.

Oh forgot to note that tonight I bumped into one of my old friends who coincidentally came for watching the same movie in the same hall. He studied with me to the same sir when we were in std ix and later he enrolled himself for a while in Asutosh College with English Honours, but after few months he shifted to another college for pursuing law course. Now, he is married and working in a reputed private firm in Bangalore. For a brief instance, I felt myself travelling back into the bygone days when we were all young and full of aspirations. It feels so nice to catch up with childhood friends bringing some treasured memories back.

Extract

I dont remember where I have read the below excerpt but I have recently found it laid down in the pages of one of my old diaries. Thought of sharing it with you as the message portrayed in the extract touched my heart.

"When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us.When after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we are still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on - series polygamy - until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our fulfillment.Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."

Monologue

It's 1.30 am and after a hiatus of about almost two years or more, am back to blogging again mostly because I am feeling lonely and bored. My husband went to USA for a fortnight and I stayed on my own in a city for the first time in my life testing my strength to bear solitude. For two weeks I didnt step out of home except sometimes to buy groceries and I didnt interact with real people (except three hours of visit paid by my friend and former colleague Priya). Yes I was onto Facebooking all the while. I am a virtual person and most of my friends really close to me including my husband are all whom I met in the virtual world. Ofcourse I met some bad people also but there is downside to everything. The virtuality cannot be held accountable for the bad experiences and who doesnot have bad experience in life? There is a quote from Somerset Maugham "If you walk down the level all the time, the muscle you need to climb a mountain will atrophy". To rephrase it in simplified words "if you dont struggle or face hardship in life, you wont garner the strength to survive amid crisis." So alongside all the beautiful moments and ups of life, it's also equally important to face some downs.

Anyway, without digressing further, I must ejaculate my coming to terms with some basic realization that I sensed in my husband's absence. One : I took him and his feeling for me for granted and his brief absence made me realize how integral he has become to my life. Two: Some awful creatures try taking advantage of your lonely state by making advances towards you (I was invited for a short venture by no other than one of my husband's friends who hitherto never showed the desire to meet my hubby and only during his absence felt the need to call on me when his own wife was away from the city. Undoubtedly my analysis of human character made me caution my husband months before that this friend in question would try taking chance with me in his absence.) and, Three : The relationship and bond that one shares with oneself is really pure and fantastic and it's important to take some time out of one's busy schedule to spend time introspecting oneself.

Diary/16.7.08

It's been a long time since I have not penned anything in my blog. My life after marriage has got so busy leaving me almost no time to nurture my passion.There are so many things I would like to talk about but am confused as to where to start from.Fine, lets go back to Pune where I have spent the initial three months of my marriage.For a girl like me who has hardly stepped out of her hometown, Pune is an exotic place to begin a new chapter of her life with. It has been the first place after Kolkata where I have stayed for days. (months actually.)Coming from a congested overpopulated city like Kolkata, I was missing the hustle bustle and the din of traffic of Kolkata in Pune extremely. However, it only took me a while to fall in love with the peace and serenity of Pune.Spending some wonderful moments with Deb there is also one of the many reasons of my fondness with that place.

Besides that, for the first time in my life I was living thousand miles away from my parents, without their protective shelter.Being the yougest child I never had to shoulder any responsibilty ever. Always either there were my parents or my siblings to rescue me or support me whenever the need arose. But I never realized how carefree my life was before marriage until I got married.Before I got married, I never bothered to know what was being cooked at home or who was cooking or if the maid was absent or how my mother tackled all the household chores in the absence of the maid and such other petty common issues which are inevitably and invisibly present in our lives and the burden of which we only realize once the onus is incurred by us.If on one hand, the joy of freedom and independence was unbound;on the other hand, the insecurity of staying in Pune all alone on our own with nobody to ask for help given a critical situation was paramount. By nature, I am not good at taking initiative to strike up a conversation with a stranger and thus forming an acquaintance. Obviosuly, this was a definite problem living out of station when the number of known people were limited. One day one such incident happened that intensified the everpresent sense of insecurity in me. Deb cut his finger with a knife. It is his restless nature that prompts him to break things every now and then. That he is prone to accident is a revelation to me only after marriage.He wanted to pull a wire for the Sify connection through the kitchen window, and so he jumped on the kitchen cabinet. When dragging the wire that was dangling from the roof through the kitchen window, he completely overlooked the set of knives which were placed on the windowsill.I was cooking and before I could object or react to anything, he slipped and brushed against the window. The knives got scatterd here and there and one of them flew and threw itself directly into his palm (it just missed his vein by fraction of an inch). The knife made a deep gash in his palm and he started bleeding profusely. I have never seen such large drops of blood oozing out of anyone's hand in my life. I am scared of blood.More than that I cant see anyone bleeding and that too my own husband whom I got married to not even a fortnight before. I was left shocked and completely disoriented as about what to do or what not. I dearly yearned for my parents or my didi dada to come and help me but in vain. They were miles away from me :(


Added to our misery, it was Sunday when almost every medical centre remains closed in Pune.It was my first Sunday and the second day of my stay in Pune and I was supposed to watch 'Om Shanti Om' in the evening of that fateful day. Thanks to Deb, I was standing there completely pale, as if someone drained blood out of my face. The blood-dipped floor brought a feeling of nausea to my tongue.Perhaps I appeared the worst wife possible at that time. Instead of trying to alleviate my husband's pain and looking for any emergency first-aid treatment, I stood there perplexed.Deb acted coolly. He didn't wince in pain and kept his face unperturbed as if nothing happened.He went to a nearby drug store and the compounder applying some balm stopped the bleeding somehow. However, coming back home when Deb tried to fold his palm for eating the lunch, it started bleeding again from his wound and that was the first time I saw how bad the cut was.The knife might have gone three inches deep into his palm leaving a deep gash there. It needed immidiate stitching and the blood wont stop without the required medical attention.Bloods were everywhere....on our bed, on our pillows, on the floor and on the platter of food.We rushed together without wasting any more time (and blood ofcourse) in search of a hospital or nursing home. The nearby clinic was closed but luckily there a lady informed us of a small nursing home which she said 'might remain open'.We headed straight there. It would have been better if the rest of the story could be heard right from the horse's mouth (read the culprit's mouth) i.e Deb because waiting outside the doctor's chamber I could only hear him yelling in pain when his wound was being stitched without any anaesthetic.However, his wound got fully healed after a few days, thanks to the dose of antibiotics and I learnt two things from this incident.....1) always to keep some first aid equipments stored at home and 2) and to keep all sharp-edged appliances away from Deb.

[To be continued]

18.9.2007

It has been a fortnight since the mother loitering about our garden with her only child had been ruthlessly killed.Yes I know when I shall reveal that mother was not a human being but was from an ignored canine race, my sentiments for the dog will be subjected to a ridicule by many of you who are insensitive themselves towards animals and for whom being emotional for dogs,cats or any other insignificant life according to their lexicon is an exaggeration of sentimental expression.That might be the reason why it has been possible for a mob to exert all their strength in killing a sick dog which might have been cured had it been taken to a doctor.We remain mute onlookers when we see a conductor kicking a helpless lady out of the bus.We dont react even when we see reckless bus drivers roaming scot free even after mowing down many under their killing wheels.Our stoicism is exhibited in many occasions of our witnessing such criminal activities silently.But our imminent danger only came from a dog which bit a few losing its mind in the dogs' months (mating season) and we reacted quite vigorously by killing it off.Probably we could kill it because it was a hapless,defenceless dog which couldnot combat for its life with us.
My poem is dedicated to that stray dog which grew on streets and which took shelter in our garden for last two years of its life.

A Petty thing

Motionless she lay there in the dust.
Her mouth open and stained,
Eyes blank,showing signs of pain
Bruised body bore imprints of torture ,
As if she was battered
Till her breath lasts.

There she lay lifeless amid the maddening crowd.
Crowd ecstatic at her fall,
Crowd that took charge in her lynch.
She was mad after all,
She had to be killed.

Her life had no value as ours have
She was an orphan after all
She had to be killed.
She was not taken to a doctor,
She was not taken for cure.
She was just washed off this earth,
She being a filthy piece of dirt
Fell prey to our wrath.

We inhumans remain at large
Even after all bloodbaths
Triggered in the name of religion,community.
And only she had to be killed
for she was violent,lunatic,
not worth a life amidst humanity.
She was a petty bitch after all
She had to be killed.

Ashmita

DAWN

Meeting you was an experience
I would nourish,
Being with you was a gift
I would cherish.
Talking to you was a delight
I miss everyday,
Laughing with you was a joy
I could never repay.
Crying with you was sane,
Crying for you was a pain,
Cried by you was a bane.

But still living with the fragments
You left me with.
Fragments of love,trust
begot the entirety of distrust.
Fragments of mind and heart
tried to pull me apart.
But still living with the lesson
you taught me at the end
that selfishness is just
when it comes to some gain.

I'm happy in a way
Happy for I got a new life
with the person I might
not love the way I did you;
But the amount of love
now I receive
being thousand times more
than you could ever give
makes up for all my mental blues.

Still looking out of the window
when I behold the weary sky,
I feel my life would have been no much better
had you been in my life.
Now I'm gonna live my dream
I dreamt with you,
with someone else;
But I'm happy in way
For the person in my life now
is there to stay.

I'll set upon a new voyage,Soon.
With new hope,new joy
But with no new dreams anymore.
Nothing hurts more than the dreams
scattered about in shreds on the floor.
I wish to sail on this voyage in God's name
I wish to hear Him say 'Amen'.

Ashmita.

Diary/2.2.2007

At last I finished perusing 'My Feudal Lord'.I like the way Tehmina struggled herself out of the domination of a sadist monster and evolved into a steadfast forthright rebellious person who dared bare her personal life infront of all breaking the convention of silence.She admitted the wrongs she did on others and she also revealed the wrong done on her.Days after days the woman who tolerated being battered savagely by her husband at the smallest reasons atlast mustered enough courage and determination to retort sharp replies on her husband's face and rebelled against him.It was a mammoth transformation for a woman who grew up feeling insecure and unwanted always and whose childhood days were mostly spent in making attempts to gain love and approval for her actions from her domineering mother.It was shocking that her parents were fully supportive towards her spoilt youngest sister Adila who indulged herself in adultery with none other than her own brother in law i.e Tehmina's philandering husband and broke her marriage.But they didnt give a helping hand towards Tehmina.Instead they disowned her severing all ties with her especially after her autobiography came into market.How can parents be so biased and partial in treatment of their own children?We think that we sould do whatever our parents say because they can never think ill for our future but aren't there such parents like Tehmina's who are more concerned for their social status than to succor their helpless children? They force their daughters into continuing a bad marriage taking away all supports from her.Is a daughter just a burden on her parents' shoulder which they want to get rid of somehow ? Many parents possess this notion that after giving marriage to their daughters they hold no further responsibilty towards her.It's her sole responsibility to sustain the marriage even if it sucks her life into an unfathomable well of mental anguish.Parents also have their favourite children whom they are very biased of and in order to administer partial treatment to their favourite wards they do injustice to the rest.In some families the discrimination between a boy child and girl child is so immense that the parents' discriminating mentalilty cripples the neglected and oppressed child's mental growth.They grow up feeling confused and develop over a period of time a huge inferiority complex.They suffer from a lack of confidence and self-esteem which hinders the growth of their personality.

Diary/8.1.2007

As if it was not enough to make us suffer a season of five bandhs in last 22 days last year that at the dawn of this year too we are slapped with another bandh of 24 hours.I wonder if the political parties get their desired results out of these frequently summoning of strikes.Strikes should be used as a weapon of last resort but strikes are losing the power of its message through such inconsiderate,rampant misuse of it.They are also disrupting the normal course of human lives thereby exciting a feeling of exasperation in common people.The majority don't support strike but it is being imposed on us forcing us to pass a day idly.The protesting parties dont think of the inconvenience suffered by common mass.Thousands of people are there who earn their square meals through a day's hardwork.Strikes steal their right to earn.If a person falls seriously ill during strike,his family members face several impediments to administer him proper medical care.Does any protesting party or the ruling government think for once of these inconveniences? They don't.Today I didnt go to school taking a peril on my life.If the bus I travel in is bombcharged and I lose my limbs then neither government nor any party will come to see me.So it's better that I sacrifice my CLs instead of endangering my life.But truly I'm feeling sick of these strikes now.Time is ripe enough for the political powers to be conscious of what the common people want and I think someday we common onlookers and silent sufferers of this bane should call strike to say no to strike.

Diary/29.11.06

I set the alarm for 8.30 and despite my getting out of bed 5 minutes earlier I couldnot reach school on time today.I missed the 9.40 bus and got into the next one.But even then I could have arrived at school on time,had not been there a standstill traffic delaying my journey.Ever since the traffic police have been put on duty at every junction of main thoroughfares,the traffic condition has gone from bad to worse.It's so disgusting.How do they allow those huge lorries to ply on the busy roads during the pick hours.Those darned trucks and mini autoes are majorly responsible for paralysing the traffic system causing trouble to office-goers.Wish those giant lorries and trucks could be forbidden to run during the busy hours of the day.It would have saved a lot of our precious time then.

Diary/3.11.06

Yesterday one of my colleagues' husband died of cancer.It is such a shocking news for us.He was detected with cancer just 15 days back and he died so soon without giving anyone chance for proper treatment.He was suffering from lungs cancer and no doctor could trace the reason of his suffering until the last moment when the cancer reached a terminal stage.In kolkata he went through checks up and he was being treated for spondilitis and was put on traction for months.Everyone thought that he had nerve problem so he underwent treatment under the observation of neurologists.It is when the condition aggravated he was taken to B'lore and there he was detected with cancer.It's such a shock that in Kolkata no doctor could find out that he had cancer and treated him for wrong diseases which might have ruined his physical state more.What is more painful is that the man was in his early 40s and he left a daughter of only 12 years only and a wife,too young to be a widow.My colleague became senseless when she heard the news of her husband's death.She is being kept on sedation since then.When her husband's body was brought home,she was forced into facing the most traumatic reality of her life.She was in a trance and dazed when she saw the cart carrrying her husband's dead body revved for cemetry and disappearing into the darkness of the night.Their 12 years old little girl stood firm and took her father's death in nonchalance.Her exam is going on at school and she skipped her exam to be with her father for the last time.Now she has turned into a stone with not a single drop of tear moistening her eyelids and my colleague is still on sedatives.......today in school when I heard of all such things I was feeling so down.I can feel the pain of how it feels when you lose the person dear to your heart all of a sudden.

PSEUDO-LOVE

Love is a word of fiction
which looks divine when read in a book
Love is more real than the reality
which shatters dreams
when shocks one into a ruthless coop .
Love is a reason of grief that breaks the hell loose
love is a problem breeding the source of all rues.

Love is a deadly virus which at times eats us alive
Love is like an oxygen that keeps our heart beat faster giving us life
Love is a hope giving us strength
love is a weakness making us wish for death.

love is one of the reasons for our laughter
love being love at the same time also causes our disaster
In the world full of automatons
True love is like a myth present in everyone's talks
but in real, love is a victim of all our cruel mocks.

True love is like the one that
existed between Heathcliff and Catherine
true love is like the one that
existed between Jack and Rose
showing us how love becomes immortal
inspite of life coming to a close.

But true love such immortalised
is present only in novels and movies
In this heartless real world
true love is as rare to be found as diamond and rubies.

............................Ashmita.

Diary/5.9.06

Today was teachers' day.I went to school quite decked up than usual.We had no class to take.It was all the girls who came streaming into the staff room one by one and touched our feet.Before joining school,I was never used to someone touching my feet for I m the youngest in my family.So their touching my feet was a matter of little discomfort for me.But anyway I told them to study well giving them all my blessings (hope my blessings will work) for a good prospering future.Then we distributed sweets among students going to each class.Students gifted me many things like flowers,showpieces,coffee mugs,pens etc.Later they held a function for us.It was a fusion of eastern and western performance.Recently in an interschool dance competition our school won the second prize and the students who performed the dance there performed it again for us.Feeling proud to say that those students belong to my class (I'm classteacher of xi B).It was just mindblowing.No doubt why they have bagged the 2nd prize.Then students did some plays and Sayoni (who is visually handicapped from birth and who yet surmounting all difficulties maintained the rank of first girl throughout in school and scored approximately 84% in Madhyamik and who has recently been awarded from Telegraph for her excellence) sang some songs.Again I'm proud to say that Sayoni too is in my class.Thereafter they performed some dance numbers and ended the programme with one such remarkable performance dancing with my favourite Rabindra sangeet 'jokhon porbe na more payer chinno ei raatey' .They made the dance sequence wonderfully.It was just amazing.We have some talented girls growing up in our school.After the end of the function they gave us foodpackets which contained delectable items like chilli chicken and lachcha porota.I enjoyed a lot today.Great day it was.

Diary/24.8.06

Feeling so sleepy now.Just dont feel like going to school today.Wish I could skip the day but since already I have taken too many CLs so one more might pose a problem later on when I shall really be in need of taking a day off...........Last night was really painful.I have started taking tranquilisers again.They have become my life now.

In Memory

Not a single day goes by
with your thoughts not crossing my mind ;
forcing me back into the memory lane
I have been trying to leave behind .
Not a single day goes by
when my eyes are not wet
recalling the hours we spent
in each other's presence ,
never thought those precious hours
would one day seem so haunting
in your absence.

With my hands in yours you feel 'blessed '
Wasn't that once what you said?
Never did I realise when those
became shackles,suffocating and rotten ,
making you hard to breathe and choke
Never did I realise I would turn into
a past tense for you to be left forgotten .

We promised once never to leave each other
I held firm in mine,only you forgetting yours
left me in a dungeon of despair .
I never dreamt you would be so
desperate to break free of me
that you would be blind to my tears
turning a deaf ear to my plea.

Sometimes I see you smiling in my dreams
and see myself losing in faint gleams .
I stretch my hands trying to reach you
But you disappear leaving me again in blue
A drop of tear rolling down my cheek
asks why my world seems so bleak?
Wish I could tell how it feels to live on
with your life from you forever gone .

..................Ashmita